The Joy to be Sealed

Tuesday, January 14, 2020

Ryan and I woke up early to go to a temple sealing this morning for my former roommate, Julie.  Ready for another puzzle?  Julie is my friend who introduced Ryan and I, and she ended up marrying the younger brother of Ryan's childhood best friend, whose mom is Ryan's mom's best friend.  It has all been very fun.  And very confusing for me.

I've heard stories of Ryan's best friend "Stuart" since the dawn of our relationship.  And lo and behold, on the way to the temple, another Stuart memory came into our conversation - about eight year old Stuart wanting to find another way he could fast, so he decided to refrain from going to the bathroom for 24 hours.  Hahaha!  Ryan hasn't seen Stuart since he moved away when he was nine years old, so it was fun for Ryan to see him again and for me to finally meet this character.  Stuart's wife said the exact same thing to Ryan when she met him, saying she hears stories all the time too, ha!  And it was fun to watch Ryan and Stuart have a reunion and eavesdrop on them catching up through the last couple decades, as we followed the bride and groom through the chilling April snow.

And what was even more special for me was sitting through the temple sealing with Ryan.  First of all, I love being in the temple so much, because you feel so much love for all people.  I really feel the kinship and heavenly family ties for every person in the room, and I just feel so much divine love that I can't wait for the next life when we will be more connected and knowing of each other! 

And also to hear the words of the sealing ordinance again and to remember how special it is that I have that with Ryan.  There is so much meaning and joy in marriage, and it is exciting to watch a new couple make that covenant.  I love it!  I loved feeling Ryan's warm presence next to me and reminiscing back on our big day and how perfect it was!  When Julie and Sam first kneeled across the altar, I remembered when Ryan and I did the same.  I saw Julie wink at Sam, and I remember smiling at Ryan and his eyes were all watery.  And now....

We have a house and a silly baby and so many blessings!  I felt today in the temple that life gets sweeter as it goes, and I believe that is true.

And because today, I have not stopped reminiscing on our wedding day, a few pictures!


Upward and onward,

Hubby Half Marathon

Two Saturdays ago, Ryan and I ran a half marathon together!  

This started out as a decision back in November, right after Charlotte was born, to run a marathon.  Well, Ryan ran about 2 miles a few times.  And I ran up to 8 miles a few times.  And our commitment to the time involved in training went elsewhere.  He stayed more high-spirited for his soccer games, and me with my boxing.  So we shifted to a half marathon, and we had one heck of a time doing that.  

It was probably the least intensive race I've ever run.  It was basically husband and wife off on a morning stroll.  Though the morning stroll did start with an alarm clock at 3:30 in the morning.  Getting ready.  Meeting a bus.  Riding to our race spot.  Camping with a thousand other people.  And then starting the run at the 6:00 am gun time. 

Ryan and I later remarked that this race was more the production of the entire experience and less about the run.  Because we took the run easy and it wasn't bad at all.  We talked and talked.  About Charlotte, about our lives, about our goals and dreams.  It was all so nice.  I love quality time with Ryan, because I love his listening ear and his mind.

Though, my favorite part, about 7 miles in, Ryan looked over me and said, "You're so pretty.

Upward and onward,

Happy Anniversary, dear Ryan!

2nd Anniversary!

1st Anniversary!

Ryan and I celebrated our 2nd anniversary this year!  I can't believe it's only been two years.  Has Ryan not been a part of my life always?  Actually, self, no, because he's never known you with bangs, and that was a significant portion of your life.

For our anniversary, we went to The Tree Room at Sundance.  Talk about gorgeous location!  And the food was exceptional!  And I can't always say that about this place.  It was a really nice evening.

I looove being married to Ryan.  We are a really good fit in so many ways.  Our ambition, what we believe politically, what we believe spiritually, what we believe financially, etc. etc. etc.  And we just enjoy each other's company so much!  We love to talk and joke and of course, play with our baby girl and laugh and laugh!  I'm so grateful for the life I have created for Ryan, and I'm so grateful for Ryan being the sole provider and working so hard, so I can really focus on the development and expansion of our family!

What a good life.

I love you, Ryan!

Upward and onward,

Dancing with A Star

 A little family hello while I was away at boxing class!

Ryan and I have taken it upon ourselves to slowly give every reality tv show a fair critique.  Okay actually that's me.  But Ryan will watch whatever show I'm currently into. 

Recently, we have been looking forward to watching an episode of Dancing With the Stars each week. 

This show is actually really good.  I'm kicking myself for not watching it sooner.  A show is "really good" when you can enjoy it and make fun of it at the same time.

So we streamed the latest episode last night and afterwards, like I do each week, I start begging, "Ryan, dance with me!"  And we act as if we know the differences between the samba and the mambo and the rumba.

But last night, I forgot to request a dance before we locked up and shut down our house for the night.  As we were both standing in our walk-in closet getting ready for bed, I remembered that I needed a dance.

So, Ryan and I slow-danced in our little closet, half in our pajamas and half in our regular clothes.  There was just enough space to spin and slow dance.  Not really enough room for a waltz.  We laughed and laughed, and it was such a sweet time.

Marriage just gets better and better as time goes on.  I always think about this, but after being married to Ryan and learning more about him and who and how he is, I only like him more, and we just get along so well and so easily.  I'm really grateful for Ryan and our companionship and all our sweet moments at day's end.

Upward and onward,

journey work

Tuesday, December 31, 2019

I just finished the coolest therapy session!

Oh yeah, Happy New Year!  Likely, you are all doing other things besides therapy tonight, ha!  But guys, okay, I've told several of you about this new work that I'm doing, and I love it.  So yes, Tuesday evenings is my time for it, and I won't delay it for New Years because I like it so much.  :)

I am working with a specialized coach to do what's called Journey Work.  It's a bit like hypnotherapy in that it works with your subconscious, which, I am alllll about subconscious work.  This differs from hypnotherapy, however, because it is more guided and interactive, whereas hypnotherapy is more the facilitator working through a specific topic or issue.  But journey work is interactive visualization at a really deep level, so it's more driven by the facilitator awakening your subconscious and bringing up whatever needs to come up.

So anyway, I'll skip the visualization portion of it, because if I explained the images and story line that came up from my subconscious, you'd all be like - huh? Needless to say, Jesus was my guide, and He and I were like modern day best friends.  He was in a pair of jeans, and we climbed in a jeep minivan and went for a drive.  We ended up in a cave at the ocean.  There was a fire.  I looked at my shoes and they were sneakers of a three year old.  And suddenly I was little Chantel with her little nose speckled with freckles, big brown eyes, and thick brown hair.  

Ha, I just told you I wasn't going to tell you the visualization and then I told you part of it anyway.

So here were my take-a-ways from that journey.  I am on a high right now, feeling all cozy and confident in my power - which is really the best way to start a new year.

-- Little Chantel was feeling very VERY overwhelmed by life - holy hard!  And so many people!  She breathed in these resource balloons:

Resource Balloons:
feeling of safety
laughter and humor
strong ambition
a voice to be heard

-- Little Chantel spoke her awareness of the limiting beliefs that were stifling her.  Then she replaced them with new, and more true, beliefs about her.  This is what my subconscious came up with:

New Beliefs:
I am a deeply compassionate person.
I am powerful.
My gifts are needed.
I have the ability to create great change.
I have wisdom because of my emotions.
I am strong in managing my power.

-- Little Chantel, looked at her companion, Christ, and He offered her feedback and assurance by saying:

The bravery inside of you will overcome and show you how strong you are. It’s the point of this journey. I have so much confidence in you. I think you’ll be surprised at where you end up in life.

-- Little Chantel began her work by feeling overwhelmed and even shameful about her journey before her.  A little girl with big emotions that she doesn't know how to manage and a soft heart that she doesn't know how to protect.  The world felt like it was pressing down on her so immensely that she could hardly breathe.  After doing all this work, she watched her life movie once again and observed the changes.  In my journal I wrote,

As I observed all the people on the screen of my life, as I bumbled and flailed in my journey, I felt a huge space of safety around me.  A space of - this is fine - you are entitled to room to learn and struggle and become who you are.  As I observed the people in my life who were interacting with me as I struggled or were close to me, as I had moments of disintegration, their temporal bodies were dimmed, halted in a way, and their spiritual bodies instead held a large space of honor.  Their spiritual bodies knew that they were merely passengers and observers in my journey, and it was an honor to be a part of it because they knew who my Ultimate Spirit was and who Earth Chantel was becoming.

-- Lastly, my journey work connected me to myself down the road - tomorrow, in a week, in a year, 5 years, etc. - and once my journey was complete and Christ and I road back to our starting place in our jeep-van, I walked back up the stairs of my visualization, stretched, and then Coach Peggy invited me to write a letter to my Present Self from my Future Self.  I wrote:

Dear Present Chantel (31),
I stand here in the future observing you.  I can see why life has felt overwhelming for you, and why you have felt under-equipped to handle it.  Your pressures and strains have been IMMENSE.  I see you and feel your journey.  I see your compassion, your emotions, your wisdom.  You have the drive and tenacity to invoke great change.  I see you running a trauma meditation group, not only for local people, but internationally.  You have a deep desire and sense of connection with others.  And your intuition runs deep; you know the journey of true subconscious healing.  You know how to facilitate that for yourself, and your empathy yields you the desire to push it outward.  I see your big, expanded heart changing lives.  Your times of compression have magnified you.  I see your heart and intuition shifting people's subconscious.  I see you dimming the pain and blackness of life and adding light.  I SEE your power.  You have so much energy and love and the courage to stretch the bounds of cultural and individual limitations, redefining people's Self at a really deep level, bring people back into their substantial power. 
And how cool that of all the companions and guides that could have come to your awareness, yours was Christ.  And your relationship with him was instantly so down-to-earth, so modern, so relaxed and real - like long time friends, climbing into that jeep-van in your visualization like you guys went way back and He was one of your most trusted friends.
He'll always be that for you.  He's proud of you. 
I love you.
Love, Chantel Mari_

I have great aspirations in my heart right now.  So I'm going to put my girls to sleep and begin charting my path ahead.  Why sit and just feel all the things?  Why not augment that energy in motion and do some things to create light for others? 

Love to everyone who has held me and my people in honor and love as we learn our life journeys.

Steady as she goes,

Joy in the Wind
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