Surrender & Power

Saturday, May 11, 2019

I got in my movement and meditation this morning!  It's nearing 11 am, and my day really didn't feel started until I did.

After our neighborhood service project, I did side lunges for days, got Julia down for a nap, and then played with Charlie's hair while I read my scriptures.  I prayed that I can write about the impressions I had while I read:

All really will work out.  Every concern that came to my mind while I read scriptures felt relaxed, as though the weight of it gave way.  With the Spirit and accompanying eternal perspective, surrendering comes with such ease.  And worrying and trying to yield control is like the main human plight!  And how much are we restrained -- I'll just speak for myself - how much do  live restrained because I'm worried or hyper-fixated on something that's not working out.  However, I get zoned into the Spirit and feel that spiritual surrender.

This made me think of God's love.  The more I understand this Gospel, the more it all points back to a parent's love for His child.  Heavenly Father loves me so much and has told me countless times through the scriptures that I will be blessed beyond what I can imagine.  So it'll be okay.

Lastly, I thought about Heavenly Mother.  A woman who lives inside Her power, not on the outskirts of it because she's wary or doesn't know what space she's allowed to have.  Heavenly Mother is such an embodiment of a true and powerful woman.  I thought about all the women who have ascended the path to Heavenly Mother.  What do they look like?  They look like women who stand inside an energy that is full.  Not halved or broken.  I am totally a proponent for woman owning their space.  Not in the sense of loud confidence and gravitas, because owning one's space can look very quiet.  It's the energy about it.  The energy of STRENGTH and surrendered love.

The other day a friend said to me:  "You. are. a. brick."  And I thought - that's the Heavenly Mother power I'm talking about!  Her presence passes through us - through me - and there is a miraculous sturdiness.

I see my understanding of a woman being redefined.  (Especially with all the conversation around it - thanks women everywhere!)  And not through louder voices or greater achievement.  But through our energy.  We are learning the energy through which we CAN stand.  An energy that glorifies our Great Parents, beckons people to out of a radiant love, shields negative energy, and holds ground when boundaries are infringed. 

All I want is to live that daily.  I can surrender everything to my Father, because He will take care of me.  And then, I can stand stronger in my energy, because I am my Heavenly Mother's daughter, and we have a great purpose.

Steady as she goes,

self vs. Self

Thursday, May 9, 2019

I began this morning with a kickboxing workout and then scripture study.  Movement and meditation - the anchors of my best days.

Though sometimes reading scripture isn't a consistent practice for me because I feel lost or over-exposed to the stories, I have seen over the last couple days that I do pick up a special Spirit when I read the Book of Mormon.  A true infusion happens to my heart.  And it stays with me throughout the day and my inner landscape is noticeably different.

This morning, I prayed about some anxieties on my mind.  And then as I read the scriptures, I stepped more into the awareness of Self.  And by that I mean, my self - the little "s" self - is aware of how I'm perceived, how my peers hold me in safety or not, how secure my lateral social standing feels, processing my life at the human survival level, etc.  And the big "S" self - the Self - is aware of my path in God's ultimate plan, how much love and connection I share with all others, how much Power I have available to me, how much Good I am able to do, where I can shine my Light.  And I sense the grandness and expansiveness of our existence and the eternal state of joy we are all headed for.

The latter is what I stepped into this morning.  My life has been vulnerable lately - I have been vulnerable lately.  And I've fallen into the arms of friends around me and been safe there.  But I wouldn't be safe in everyone's arms, nor would the people that I love.  And that sends anxious strains up my body.

But as I stepped into Self this morning, I felt above and beyond these worries, not in a sense that God was saying, "oh these are silly - I'll just save you from them."  Rather, a message of - your greatness extends so far above them that in the grand scheme of things, they aren't really much of a concern.

I felt immense gratitude for my friends and their true love for me.  Also, immense gratitude for my two bedhead dollface girls, sitting at the bar eating breakfast.  Also, immense gratitude for my journey with Ryan, one that has combined two humans and fused the seams with the Atonement of healing and grace and growth and a charity cloak.

God's Spirit lifts and soothes and inspires so much good.  That's the energy with me today.

Steady as she goes,

with the Spirit

Wednesday, May 8, 2019

Morning Solace by Yongsung Kim

"There is something about spirituality that is central to the life of a woman.  I do not mean the kind of spirituality that only takes you to church on Sunday.  Sitting in church will not necessarily make you into a Christian anymore than sitting in a garage will make you into a car.  I am talking about the kind of spirituality that makes you behave like a child of God.  I am talking about the kind of spirituality that breathes reverence into every act and deed.  I am talking about the spirituality that makes you loving and grateful, and forgiving, and patient, and gentle, and long-suffering.  I am talking about the kind of spirituality that compels you to get in touch with your Heavenly Father every single day of your life."

-Marjorie Hinckley


Oh this quote encompassed my yesterday.  I started the day off with scriptures while my girls ransacked my closet.  And all day, my thoughts were higher.  I was more still and reverent.  I was more able to surrender - my thoughts, feelings, worries, impatiences.  I was at rest and able to repeatedly let go.

There was an undoubtedly Spirit to me all day long.

Steady as she goes,

Atonement, Light, and Heavenly Mother

Tuesday, May 7, 2019

Through the Power and Atonement of Jesus Christ, all the elements and systems of my body are fully healed and restored.  They now enter into complete rest.

Through the Power and Atonement of Jesus Christ, all parts and pieces of me are brought to their fullest measure and power is added to me.

I say these truths to myself, and a power immediately begins working for me.


I was purposefully created by God.  He saw that my heart and my being was needed, and he created me with exactness.  Then the Atonement occurred, and retroactively and all the forward through all of humanity, we became purposefully and individually set for the ability to be repurposed to our most whole state.  Our healing became arranged, our power became provided.  We became ready and equipped for salvation.  But it would require us to draw on the reservoirs of the Atonement, summoning power upon us time upon time, gaining bit by bit, healing and restoring part by part.  The well of power available for us to draw upon is infinite.  It's purely white and radiant with love.  We draw upon it and pieces of that Light come to our hearts and minds, and we will always have more available for us to draw upon than we could ever possibly get to in this life.  Thus, the power available to us to become healed and whole is more abundant than we even need.  Though often we feel in scarcity of the power.  Rather, it comes to us in small, undetectable ways sometimes.  But it is our personal well of Light that Christ made possible for us, and when we turn even our thoughts to this man or His power, the Light created for us immediately begins seeping into our hearts and lives.


I believe Heavenly Father values the roles of men and women.  Women are known to be the nurturers, and this includes Heavenly Mother.  Her role is not restrained by any means, even though her eternal state and presence is kept more quiet.  Still, she remains as the Ultimate Nurturer.  She, and her priestesses, are actively folding her children under her wing as she binds them and loves them.  She is deep in her work of mothering here with her children on Earth.  I picture her spirit priestesses settling into homes and upon individuals, bearing them up, holding their hands, assisting in tasks.  It's a hidden symphony, with spirits already orchestrating around us to nurture our lives.

Steady as she goes,

Joy in the Wind
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