the head and the heart

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

One wolf resides in your head and one in your heart.

We know, from the results in each of our lives, whether we are feeding the wolf of evil or the wolf of love, or in other words - living from our head or living from our heart.  Though, for me, it's not so much about living with virtues or the absence of such.  It's not a matter of whether we are living "right" or "wrong."

Rather, the matter here is - are we living in mental freedom or mental sabotage?  That's the result of the wolf you're feeding.

I assume, since I am also an average human, that it's a constant cycle of both.  Which means, though we "try" to feed the wolf of love, it is inconsistently so.  And thus, our heart space is accessed and then lost again, accessed and then lost again.

And so we go.  On and on in our own patterned chaos.  Only we forget that it is chaos because it is a comfortable pattern.

The head space, to me, looks like:  analyzing, figuring out the mechanics, scoping things out, second guessing, speculating, wishing, regreting.  always mental chattering, moment to moment.

The heart space, to me, looks like:  setting a clear intention, acting, and then finding joy and power.  always creating, moment to moment.  always clear, moment to moment.  and always holding onto your power, moment to moment.

One is where you sputter around in the causal energy of the universe - things act upon you.

And one is where you stand in the creative energy of the universe - you act and add light upon.


Clear as day, right?  Now that all this philosophy about feeding the wolf of love and being a creator and living moment to moment with clear intention has touched your brain, shifting into our heart space is as easy as eating a full Costco pumpkin pie.

Oh, neither of those things are easy for you?

Well, I'm not done yet.  :)

This is the basis of the trainings Ryan and I have been attending.  There's so much to it!!  I'll share a couple more of my breakthroughs in the days to come.  I can't share too much, because you must experience it for yourself, and also because I must still feed my children and return my library books and watch tv.  All very important.

Creating moment to moment,

Charlulia in Idaho & my life's intention

Monday, November 12, 2018

Ryan and I took Charlie and Jules to visit my family in Idaho this weekend. 

Sidenote:  one of my favorite bloggers combines her daughters names when she is referencing them in writing.  Sure, it does simplify, but I just can't get behind it.  I think if you're going to go that route, just pick one conglomerate name at the start of childbearing and use that as a blanket name for all your children.  If I were to have done that for my girls, it would be Charlulia.  I'll let you know if I ever drop their two names for that one.

Anyway, it was a wonderful weekend full of baking and watching a murder show.  Those two must go hand in hand because the more Ryan and I binge-watched Making a Murderer, the more I seemed to be pulling out goodies from the oven.

I didn't take any pictures with my family, so I leave you to experience the joy of this mini vacation with candid pictures of my girls:

Lastly, on my parent's fridge was a vision statement that gave me chills each time I read it.  I adopt this statement as the grand intention of my life:

Creating moment to moment,

Creating some writing

Sunday, November 11, 2018

"Hi friends!"

(That's what Charlie confidently says every time she sees people - friends and strangers alike.  And she waves at at them so happily too.  Doesn't the world need her?)

I'm really wanting to get back into writing here.  I say that and then morning comes, and the second the eyelids open on the two little ones across the hall, it's off to the races.  Then I'm tuckered out each night, taking up dark chocolate and a good library novel as my companions.  Or Ryan and I will binge watch a tv series.  In the words of fellow blogger, Kate Baer, "Anyone who has parented a human for more than five minutes has felt the coils of the day wrapping around their insides, making the chest tight and the stomach hungry for nachos. By 9pm, I have no words left. I just want to sit in the dark, watch Michael Scott, and not have to think any intelligent thoughts."

See?  I'm full of excuses.  But here's two even better ones for you:  Ryan and I have been going to this training on the weekends.  I started my program two months ago, and Ryan started his one month ago.  Though it is a lot of time, it has brought incredible insights.  I'm surely going to talk more about these trainings, but that quickly brings me to my next point ---

I feel "thoughtblocked" most of the time.  Like, linear, full thought strings come more rarely for me these days.  You see, my brain is smaller, so it can't hold onto things like it used to.  I read on the internet that a woman's brain shrinks after having babies and nursing.  And then I had Ryan read it too, so that since two people read the same thing on the internet, then it must be true.  Isn't that how it works?

However, lately, I have felt an inspired flow of thoughts coming to me, but it's always been at times when I'm unable to pause everything and write.  And then, within 2 minutes, I can't remember a thing (see above).

In my trainings, I have mind-blowing (or... heart-blowing :)) insights I want to share!  I hold onto my thoughts tightly, but alas, when I get home at 11 pm, my mind is like overcooked noodles.  Not that I'm clenching my butt cheeks that long.  Then two weeks ago, Ryan took the girls for an afternoon and told me to "take some time."  So I drove to my favorite used bookstore and caught up on my favorite podcasts the whole way.  My writing fingers were tingling!  And last week, I took another afternoon, and I went to the movie theater by myself at 3 in the afternoon wearing a purple tie-dye t-shirt!  I've never done anything like that.  (The movie by myself in the middle of an afternoon, I mean.  Not wearing tie-dye in public).  And well, the movie was Crazy Rich Asians, which was as mind-numbing as I was hoping it would be, and I actually didn't have any writing inspiration whatsoever this time.  But the point is!!---

I am overflowing with things I want to write and share with you.  Writing is just my thing.  I always come back to it, no matter what comes up in life that takes me away.  So, thank you for reading my splatter of writing about writing.  Now, I'll let the energy of pushing blogger's orange "Publish" button propel me into another piece of writing, and another. 

(that's why you see me post nothing for awhile and then 5 posts all at once....)


Actually, I'm changing my closing statement.  I KNOW.  I've said "Onward and upward" for years; how can this be that I would change the three words that I've typed more than any other words??

Well, times are moving on, I guess.  :))  Okay, I just got a big surge of excitement to tell you guys even more.

Creating moment to moment,

coaca space

Sunday, September 2, 2018

as i bring to you my latest project, these stupid lyrics by shania twain keep popping in my head: "i gol' darn gone and done it."  i hate that song so much.  but, i gol' darn gone and did something.

i started a meditation blog-podcast.  it's nothing stunning like - "wow, i can see you depleted your entire 401k to get this endeavor going!"  it's more like, "oh, i can see you have 45 minutes of spare time a day a week when your girls are both napping, and you're all caught up on work, and you want to bring a voice to one of your passions to connect more with your neighbors and friends."  yep, that's exactly it.

here you go:

there are four posts so far!  read all of them and comment so i know you're around, since you probably have more spare time than me, and i'd like to demand all of it.

onward and upward,

Joy in the Wind
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